Comedy at the RoadKill Cafe

Antisemantic Antivaxxers for RFK jr

The only liberal media coverage of Kennedy’s campaign is outrage or ridicule. I vote for Funny. RFK jr’s Daniel Boone Killed a Bar in Central Park tale is hilarious. The New Yorker unearthed an exploit from his drinking daze that Bobby wished had stayed buried, which is what he should have done to the road kill bear cub he picked up and put in his trunk to skin and eat later. He says he was sober, that he eats what he kills, but surely there was alcohol involved.

I guess the pretenderized portions would be edible. A cub is only big enough for a throw rug, and the tread marks are a dead giveaway. Anyways, best laid plans. Flight out early next morning with a dead bear in the trunk required last ditch body disposal with his hawking buddies as the day turned to dawn.

One of those brilliant ideas Kennedy’s are known for was obvious. Wrap it around a ten speed- an artifact from his garage- install them in a tableau adjacent to the inner road in Central Park, as if a speeding cyclist in spandex ran it down, then limped off in his pansy cycling shoes. Frat Fun.

What could go wrong? The statue of limitation on not buying a game permit for roadkill as New York demands is long gone, so nothing criminal, although it was outraged mystery news at the time for a Tinkerspell. Bobby didn’t confess then, so his law license is clear. The DWI on Ambien was not grounds for removal- otherwise there’d be fewer lawyers.

This is not as damaging as Governor Noem shooting her dog that wouldn’t hunt. She insist it was a working dog that wanted to unionize, so should have passed Musker. Instead Trump got the Hillbilly Lawyer. Americans love their dogs.

Bears kill hunting dogs, actually any loose dog they encounter is bait. A dead bear is a cuddly one. Teddy Bears for RFK jr are now merch, reminiscent of Teddy Roosevelt’s campaign gimmick. Not the Bull Moose spoiler election when he edged out his vice president as third party splitter. One he won.

Bobby’s roadkill retrieval can be spun as environmental cleanup. Reduce Reuse Recycle. Unfortunately he didn’t do any of that. There’s still hunting involved, so manly enough. Not like John Kerry’s windsurfing in a g-string. Sunk his campaign like his sail. More than SwiftBoating or Medal Tossing.

Hawking as the Sport of Kings reeks of nobility, not common man. Offering lottery chances to sail on his yacht, even if it’s combined with a clambake stinks like squashed skunk. A chain of Kennedy/Shanahan Road Kill Cafe campaign headquarters serving locally raised meats and small farm produce would promote his Soil and Blood platform. Feed the Greenz n Possum. An aristopolloi play.

Kennedy as Class Traitor riffs off Grandpa Joe’s reign at the Stock Exchange Commission FDR formed. He clamped down on their Dirty Dealing, an insider who’d made his second fortune during the Roaring Twenties. Class traitor is rich, since they treated him like an arriviste parvenu. Romanticize his Rum Running Roots to join the Millionaires Club and buy his way into Upper Class Old Money. Like the Bronfmans.

Shanahan’s single mom survived on food stamps, so she knows how to stretch a meal. Maybe a Road Kill Cafe Cook Book for the Disappearing Middle Class, another plank in their Policy Priorities. Hilary’s chocolate chip cookies can be dessert.

The Convicted Felon declined to joust with the Hanging Prosecutor so Kennedy won’t get another virtual debate. Their seconds are shooting in this duel. Shanahan has numerically succeeded at her acceptance speech promise, to get their ticket on all fifty states. Her team collected a million signatures, enough for every state that required them.

Not all verified, and New York state tossed his residency suit. The DNC disapproves of democracy when Democracy is Threatened and they’re jamming their thumbs in the pudding. Pulled out Red Bernie that way in 2016, because it was Her Turn. It’s a tossup whether Kackling Kamala is more likable then Harridan Hillary.

Strategically, Kennedy has to thread the middle path, not Buddhism, but razor’s edge of Peasant Resentment and Pie in the Sky promises. Cherry Pie at the Road Kill Cafe needs Pole Dancing for the Demos. Greek Style Gyros.

Antivaxx is a very narrow window, the bathroom entrance, not even a back door man can slip inside. Progressive Lefts believe the Greater Good compels all must submit to Public Health Diktats. Legal Legacy of Plague Doctors. Lockdowns and Mandates were appropriate and essential to Flatten the Curve. No need to count the cull from straightening the Highway to Hell.

The ultra right concurs. A Postliberal Catholic Fundamentalist, a DEI Harvard Law professor spelled it out. He’s written extensively on the failure of Liberalism and Recovering the Classic Legal Tradition (feudal theocracy). This prospective Supreme Court jurist claims without evidence, “Elaborating on the Common-Good principle that no Constitutional right to refuse vaccination exists, constitutional law will define in broad terms the authority of the state to protect the public health and well-being, protect the weak from pandemics and scourges of many kinds-even when doing so requires overriding the selfish claims of individuals to private ‘rights.’”*

Somewhere between common rights and greater evidence is the arrow slit through the cognitive dissonance of American minds. Only humor can bubble through.

Struck up a conversation by a charging station for electric cars, the new water cooler. We agreed the lockdown harmed our school children, but diverged over Fauci. Telling him I’m an RFK jr voter, he laughed. “He’s funny!” Better than outraged. Kennedy heals the divide in a Clown Car, throwing out Teddy Bears.

*The Tower and the Sewer, Mark Lilla, The New York Review of Books, 6/10/24

If asked will annotate any ambiguous asides.